I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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