Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
