NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
