I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
