I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't deserve a penis
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
