Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How external is "for external use only"?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
