I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
