she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
