You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
