I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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