Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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