Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
