if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
