my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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