whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
