I'm so fucking centered right now
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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