She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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