I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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