I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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