Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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