You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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