Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
