Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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