Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
