If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
