Tell her she can't have a vagina
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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