Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
