So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
that's an acceptable place to lick
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
