Small penises have feelings too.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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