the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
