After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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