ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
