Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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