Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Randomize
