I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Life is so much better after having sex.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
