I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
