Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
