Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
