Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
