is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
