i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
