just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
