Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
