my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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