you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
