According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
