Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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