i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
