my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
