I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
