I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
