I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
