Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
