Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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