I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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