i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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