Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
