ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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