If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I did not marry a roomba.
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