I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
