thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
