I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
