Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you would pick up someone in the library
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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