I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
