Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
