There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
