her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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