I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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