you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Boobs speak an international language.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
how drunk are you?
Several
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
