i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize